i'm sad. sad for me. sad for my ex-lover. for how he's changed. for how frightened i've become. the mischievousness i loved so much hardly ever flickers in his eyes now. my belly is burning inside. he's as beautiful as ever, but i don't love him. i don't even know who he is. maybe he has changed that much, or maybe I just didn't see who he was because i was so blinded by my lust for him. it's like having intense and real feelings in a dream and then waking up and realizing the situation was all an invention of my own.
i'm sad because i've lost him, not as a lover, but part of him is gone forever. part of my innocence is also lost. most of the time i am happy to see the way i am developing as i get older, but then i am sad when i see how naive i once was and how much i don't do now in order to keep from getting hurt. before i had ever been hurt i didn't even know what to be afraid of. now i am petrified by my fear.